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Personal Musings

Did You Marry the Right Person

 

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
UPDATE: NO APPARENTLY I DIDN’T WE’RE DIVORCED FOR 6 YEARS NOW.
During one of our seminars, a woman
asked a common
question. She said, “How do I know
if I married the
right person?”

I noticed that there was a large man
sitting next to her
so I said, “It depends. Is that your
husband?”

In all seriousness, she answered
“How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because
the chances are good
that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In
the beginning, you
fell in love with your spouse. You
anticipated their
call, wanted their touch, and liked
their
idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse
wasn’t hard. In fact,
it was a completely natural and
spontaneous experience.
You didn’t have to DO anything.
That’s why it’s called
“falling” in love… because it’s
happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was
swept off my feet.”
Think about the imagery of that
__expression. It implies
that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and
then something came along and
happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a
passive and spontaneous
experience.

But after a few years of marriage,
the euphoria of love
fades. It’s the natural cycle of
EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they
come at all), touch is not always
welcome (when it
happens), and your spouse’s
idiosyncrasies, instead of
being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with
every relationship,
but if you think about your
marriage, you will notice a
dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you
were in love and a much duller or
even angry subsequent
stage.

At this point, you and/or your
spouse might start
asking, “Did I marry the right
person?” And as you and
your spouse reflect on the euphoria
of the love you once
had, you may begin to desire that
experience with
someone else. This is when marriages
breakdown. People
blame their spouse for their
unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for
fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in
all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most obvious. But
sometimes people
turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive
TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does
NOT lie outside your
marriage. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t
fall in love with
someone else. You could. And
TEMPORARILY you’d feel
better. But you’d be in the same
situation a few years
later. Because (listen carefully to
this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS
NOT FINDING THE
RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE
THE PERSON YOU
FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or
spontaneous
experience. It’ll NEVER just happen
to you. You can’t
“find” LASTING love. You have to
“make” it day in and
day out. That’s why we have the
__expression “the labor
of love.” Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it takes
WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO
to make your
marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is
NOT a mystery. There
are specific things you can do (with
or without your
spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of
the universe (such as
gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as
the right diet and exercise program
makes you physically
stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It’s a
direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the
results are
predictable… you can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a
“decision”… not just a
feeling.

Singles may ponder on this too….
for future reference! =)

“When God increases our blessings, it is not meant to
be our reward,
it’s a call to do greater things as worthy tenants of
His vineyard”…
Mark 12:1-12