Bipolar Musings: On Rapid Cycling and How Time is Never Enough
I promised myself that I’ll finish as much tasks in my head tonight. Just to clear away debris and unnecessary thoughts. Tomorrow I told macho kid we’ll watch Jurassic World again tomorrow in the cinema. Even if we already watched it last week, it’s the first time he genuinely liked a movie. This post was written: June 16 2018 I’m writing this now as a break. I have a couple of pending ideas on my desktop notes, and a hundred in my head. I’ve been experiencing a roller-coaster of extremes these past few days. My depression and mania have been switching at a more frequent pace than before. What is Rapid Cycling? Bipolar disorder is…
My Obsession with RuPauls Drag Race and its Impact on my Mental Health
This is a story of my obsession with RuPaul Drag Race and its therapeutic effects on my mental health. Confession. I have watched every season of Ru Paul Drag Race for more than 3 times each season. Probably more than thrice, I lost count! Hahaha! Good day. I’m Kaycee and I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar-2. This means I have seasonal moods that switches randomly or sometimes triggered by certain events. The mood swings can span from years, months, or hours (heaven forbid rapid cycling). You can learn more about my life as bipolar here (Read More: Being Bipolar) Last year I spiraled into a state of depression for months. It was triggered by…
Personal Musings: Letting Go of Things You Can’t Control
The past few months I’ve been going through intense depression. I’m not able to focus on my work, sometimes I lash out on my family. A lot of thoughts are going in my head trying to find answers to questions like; Why is this happening to me? Why do they get these so and so opportunities and not me, when I deserve better When will this suffering end? How can I make-up for my wrong-doings? I wish I can turn back time What can I do to make you love me? (yes, the song from The Corrs) I was losing sleep, and losing my mind. Repeating different scenarios over and over in…
Bipolar Swings – Define Depression
Depression is not as simple as “feeling sad”. You can break a smile but still feel empty. I heard someone give me an advice to “cry it out” but there’s nothing coming out. I can’t cry. At times I drift into thoughts where people I love would be better without me. My days of negativity can be burdensome. Why do I do what I do? What is the meaning of life? Why do we even exist? I’m hanging by a thread. This will not last forever. Nothing does. #BeingBipolar is an everyday struggle. When we’re manic, we can be productive, but our inhibitions are low. When we’re depressed, we need to have twice, thrice the…
Understanding Bipolar Disorder – My Story
I’ve been trying to tell my relatives there was something wrong with me since I was in 2nd grade, every year, highschool, college. They kept saying there was nothing wrong. “You’re not sick . You’re not crazy. ” ” They invented these illness for you to take drugs and get addicted and they make more money “ Until I graduated, got myself a job and after a few years I decided to go to the psych myself. I’m diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. For years I suffered bullying, misunderstanding, anxiety, depression and numerous cases of impulsive decisions that made my life even more miserable than it should. I wonder if I was diagnosed…
Sentimental Sundays – A Confession I’m Letting Out of my Chest
It’s not Sunday I know, I was supposed to publish this on Sunday but I failed the Marshmallow test again. I can never compete with anyone but myself. It’s a battle I’ve had, well we’ve had since we were born. To survive what we call life. I’m 29, a single work at home mom, and struggling. Why struggling? I have to be honest with you, everyone at least. I left my high-paying corporate job not by choice but by force. I was in a highly abusive relationship that left me emotionally and mentally unstable, stacking on top of my bipolar condition. The evil man manipulated me into leaving my job. Now there’s no…
