It’s not Sunday I know, I was supposed to publish this on Sunday but I failed the Marshmallow test again.
I can never compete with anyone but myself. It’s a battle I’ve had, well we’ve had since we were born. To survive what we call life. I’m 29, a single work at home mom, and struggling.
Why struggling? I have to be honest with you, everyone at least. I left my high-paying corporate job not by choice but by force. I was in a highly abusive relationship that left me emotionally and mentally unstable, stacking on top of my bipolar condition. The evil man manipulated me into leaving my job.
Now there’s no turning back and I must do my best with what I have today. I feel like I could never move forward if I do not let this out of my chest.
Sharing with you old photographs of me back in high school and my early working days. I’ve always believed that in order to be successful in life you need to be everything. Beauty. Brains. Brawns.
I was bullied to the point of empowering myself. Joining all organizations, getting high grades, scholarships, theater, EVERYTHING. Eventually leading me to getting to a high-paying corporate job in a prestige company such as Chevron. But was I happy?
YES. It was a company that let me blog while working. Gave me a free schedule and attend my events as long as I submit my deliverables on time. I may not be the best employee (because I was multitasking with my blog) but I was coping, and I was earning, A LOT. On top of what I earn with my blog.
Sometimes I get awards
While enjoying the perks of blogging
It’s been almost a year since I left my job, but that change started everything. I finally mustered up the courage to leave that demon you call “boyfriend”. While I’m not earning a lot, I thank the heavens and God that I’m earning enough for my son. I’m in a healthier relationship with a MAN (MAN NOT BOY) who trusts me enough to do what I want. Free reigned.
I cannot say I’m 100% happy. I mean, who is? We’re all unsatisfied with our lives. We can never be content with what we have. You are a hypocrite if you say you are. I don’t know where I’m headed. I’m trying to stay sane for my kid. My plans? Save-up for the future while I’m still earning, continue investing in the stock market.
My mood is unpredictable, it’s a struggle to stay alive really. You may say it’s easy but for someone with the same condition as I am when you spiral into depression you really think about ending it all. Suicide. Not to mention bouts of anger that makes me want to kill anyone who treats me like shit.
A huge thank you to the brands who trust me, to my Nuffnang family, to my blogger friends, to my ex-coworkers, college friends, high school friends, and new-found friends. To my family. To Ryan.
He keeps me alive. My son. He keeps me going.
Sending out a warm hug and a BIG thank you to anyone who gets to read this..(except my ex, you deserve a slow and painful life, not death, dying is too easy. You deserve eternal TORMENT)
Disclaimer : ex-boyfriend, not ex-husband, matino po ex-husband ko hindi lang talaga kami para sa isat isa.