Personal Musings: On Dealing with Insecurities, Rejections, and Self-Improvement

One of the most dreadful feeling in the world is rejection. It can be because of something you have, or something you lack. I’ve dealt with this way back in gradeschool when I was bullied and called ugly a lot because of my strange features and dark skin. Typical because of how we were raised in this colonized country. I thought now that I’m 30, older and wiser, I can handle a bit of ~no~ but experiencing it again stings.

Dealing with Insecurities and Rejection

I am a writer. A content creator. I usually prefer working behind the scenes while sharing what I know to my readers. The word influencer is something I abhor. But alas, there are times I am labelled as such. Maybe because I try to reach out to my readers and connect with them? So along with that comes with additional projects. Heck I’ll accept it if it’s for my son’s future. I’m willing to go extrovert despite being innately an introvert.

“I’m sorry our pitch was not approved by the client because you’re not pretty enough“

Ouch. That’s me biting the dust alright. I know, I know. I shouldn’t let what others think affect me. But let’s be real. Hearing or reading you’re not at par enough physically hurts. Oh by the way, here’s the photo on my portfolio being judged.

BLAH. ANG LAKI NG BUNGANGA O DIBA? (like my haters will always say)

Even I myself find this horrendous. A photo taken 4 years ago with my braces just placed on. I know my weaknesses and I decided to wear braces to correct my teeth and bite. Oh wow, seeing it this big makes me want to reject myself too 🙁 I don’t want to be a hypocrite saying beauty is only skin deep. We live in a superficial world and people will judge 50% by how you look like.

On Self-Improvement

So 4 years later, I still have my braces. 2 of my molars got removed to make my bite smaller. I am somehow satisfied with how I look now, but still not enough. I can’t wait to have this removed. Maybe this is why I write about skincare, makeup, and self-improvement so much? I want to be a better person each day. Of course not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually too. I read books from fiction to non-fiction. I try to socialize and be kinder to others. Despite having the challenge of being diagnosed with Bipolar-2 disorder. I think the first ones who should be accepting us is ourselves.

On self-confidence and dealing with insecurities? I’m not there yet but I’m on my way. I hope I raise my son better, than what I was and what I am.

Joseph Ortega Photography

That same day when I received that hurtful comment from a client, I posted an ad on my facebook wall.

“Who would be kind enough to update my portfolio photos at Nuffnang?”

The first one who sent me a message was Rainne Mercado or Rainne Mercado Makeup Artistry. He husband Joseph Ortega (Joseph Ortega Photography) is a photographer and they are based in Laguna. LAGUNA?! I don’t have the time to go there. But they were generous enough to go out of their way and visit me at my ninang’s office for an impromptu make-over and photoshoot. Rainne did my makeup and Joseph took my photographs. They made me look and feel pretty that day. Both were professional and easy to work with! Want to see the output? They’re lovely! I can’t wait to use them for my portfolio and now it’s even with my son #machokid <3