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Personal Musings

Life Lately : Of Biglaang Budget Shopping to Deleting Traumatic Memories

happiness looks gorgeous on you. #NoteToSelf artwork by Helke Rah
happiness looks gorgeous on you. #NoteToSelf
artwork by Helke Rah

It’s always been said that you can never move on something until you accept things as they are. If you’ve been following my blog for sometime now, you may know that some last year, I was able to escape an abusive relationship. You can check out my separate journal entry for that if you’re curious what happened to me. I got an alert from google that my photo storage is about to get full and that I need to delete pictures to retain memory. Sure, no big deal. Until I saw the photos. Deleting each picture made my heart felt like a pin cushion, and each picture deleted is a pin removed. It’s painful, but it felt good. To be free.

Deleting each picture made my heart felt like a pin cushion, and each picture deleted is a pin removed. It’s painful, but it felt good. To be free.

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Almost every selfie shot I had was me post-crying. Ugly AF. I actually had drafted photos to write an article on “How to Cover Up Crying with Makeup“. No girl. You don’t cover up crying with makeup. You shouldn’t cry every single day when you’re with a guy.

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I cannot believe umiiyak talaga ko like 90% of the time I was with him. If he truly loves you he won’t make you shed a tear. You deserve nothing but love and kindness. You can get love from YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. (I think this is me talking to myself a year ago. LET GO.

Just to clear things up, the ex I’m mentioning is NOT my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I are now civil friends.

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The only thing that kept me going through the folders was seeing memories of my baby boy. I regret the time wasted being with the devil instead of spending more quality time with my son. What did I gain from all of this? Maybe the lesson of loving yourself first.

BIGLAAN SHOPPING VLOG

It’s been a year, yet flashes of bad memories still pop inside my mind from time to time. I guess that’s what you call “trauma”. It’s been a year and I never felt this pretty. Ah.. this was so heavy to let go from my chest and it feels good. To balance things up, why don’t you watch my biglaan budget shopping vlog. I had to buy an outfit, and make my self up for an impromptu event because I didn’t bring anything besides gym clothes and cash. LOL.

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Thanks for taking the time to read my emotional entry. If you are going through something, know that if you feel alone. I am here and I love you. You are loved.